上班族妈妈

There's like six characters, they're all stick figures.
-根本不知道谁是谁 -敬傻儿子们
- No idea who's who. - Ah, here's to dumb sons.
敬傻儿子们
Dumb sons!
安妮 看到你从那破山城回来
Well, Anne, I can't say I'm surprised to see you back
我一点都不惊讶
from that shitty mountain town.
不幸的是 我就待几天
Well, it's only temporary, unfortunately.
我是来卖♥♥我的书的
I'm here to sell my book.
凯特为我安排了今天的会议
Kate got me this meeting today,
我完全被吓到了
and I'm totally freaked out about it.
别怂啊妹子 你知道你是有实力的
Pony up, cowgirl. You know you got the goods.
如果他们不识货 干♥他♥丫的
And if they don't see it, fuck 'em.
-捅爆他们的菊花 -什么
- Fuck their buttholes raw. - What?
不好意思 今天早上有点紧张
Sorry, bit of a tizzy this morning.
是我的儿子们
It's my boys.
每次跟他们沟通我都火冒三丈
Every interaction leaves me with so much rage.
小JJ今天过18岁生日
Little J.J. turns 18 today,
我怕如果我不做点什么的话
and I fear if I don't do something,
我下半辈子就得看着他们
I'm gonna be watching them masturbate into banana peels
对着香蕉皮手♥淫♥了
for the rest of my life.
你知道是你给了我那个改变我人生的
You know it's you that gave me that life-changing
育儿建议的对吗
parenting advice, right?
用坚果铺路吗
The trail of nuts?
见S04E05
当我放开对爱丽丝的控制 让她独♥立♥
Everything changed for me once I let go of control
所有事情都改变了
and set Alice free.
也许你也是时候接受自己的建议了
Maybe it's time that you start taking your own advice.
放他们自♥由♥
Set them free.
太棒了
That's beautiful.
"谁能想到" 佩妮说
"Who would've thought," asked Penny,
"你能用蜘蛛自己织的网捕到它呢"
"that you could catch a spider in its own web?"
当佩妮把这只令人毛骨悚然的爬虫从茶会上拖走时
The town cheered as Penny dragged the creepy-crawly
镇上的人都欢呼起来
away from the tea party.
作者讲得很好
Author's doing pretty good.
我得承认 她一上场 就火力全开了
I'll admit, when she's on, she's on.
那天晚上 邻居们都睡得很好
The neighbourhood slept well that night,
因为他们知道蜘蛛已经被消灭干净了
knowing the spiders were out of sight.
"害虫不休息 我也不放假"
"Pests don't rest, so neither will I!"
我要走了
I'm gonna get going.
这就完了
That's it?!
-这样就行了 对吗 -不好意思 克里斯汀
- That was okay, right? - Sorry, Kristen.
你现在不是应该继续读下一个佩妮的故事吗
Aren't you reading from the next "Penny" book now?
我之前真打算写下一本书的 我发誓 只是...
I really meant to write the next book, I swear, it's just--
克里斯汀 你现在是个专业作家了
Kristen, you're a professional author now,
签了很多本书的合同
with a multiple book deal,
也就是说你要按时交稿
which means you meet your deadlines.
你有按时交稿吗
Did you meet your deadline?
还是我得让你把预付的钱还回去
Or am I gonna have to make you pay back your advance?
对不起 我什么都没写
I'm sorry! I have nothing!
等等 克里斯...
Hey wait, Kris-
-天啊 发生什么事了 -一场公♥关♥危机
- Holy shit, what's happening? - A PR crisis.
你打算怎么办
What's your plan?
-我...打算上台 -没错 你要上去
- I... am gonna go up there. - Yes, you are.
是的 我要上去
Yes, I am.
《佩妮教你治害虫》
小朋友们
Hey, guys!
克里斯汀得先走了 就像我们...
So look, uh, Kristen had to run, as we uh
像我们刚刚看到的那样
as we all saw.
她得去帮助佩妮治理下一只害虫了
Uh, she had to go help Penny with her next pest.
下一只害虫是什么
What's the next pest?
你想知道是吗
Oh, you wanna know about that, do you?
-是啊 -是啊
- Yeah! - Yeah.
说大点声
I can't heaaaar you!
这个梗过时了吗 好吧
That's not a thing anymore? Okay.
这个 下一只害虫...
Uh, the uh, the next pest...
是...
is...
是一只老鼠 一只又大又毛茸茸的老鼠
is a rat, a big, hairy rat.
-好恶心 -就只是一只老鼠吗
- Ewwww! - Just a rat?
当然不只是老鼠
Of course, no, it's not just a rat.
因为这只老鼠事实上是...一位小女孩
Because this rat is... a girl.
同时也是一只老鼠
And a rat.
曾今有个女孩 她养了一只宠物鼠
You see, there was this girl, and she had a pet rat.
其他人都很嫌弃
And everyone was like, ew!
真恶心 快和那只东西一起滚出去
Gross, get out of here with that thing.
滚回下水道吧 她就照做了
Go back to the sewer! So she did.
那天晚上 下了一场恐怖的暴风雨
And that night, there was a horrible storm.
她便和她的宠物鼠一起抱团取暖
And uh, and she was cuddling her little pet rat,
当闪电击下来时
when lightning struck, and...
他们融合在了一起
fused them together.
太恶心了
Ewww! Gross!
是的 这是个原创故事 各位
Yeah, well, it's an origin story, folks.
谁有可能打败鼠女呢
And uh, who could possibly defeat rat girl?
只有一个女孩能胜任这份工作
There's only one girl up for the job.
-佩妮 -佩妮 理所当然
- Penny! - Penny, obviously.
-没错 -佩妮
- That's right! - Penny!
《佩妮教你治害虫二之鼠女复仇记》 可能吧
"Penny Pest Control Book Two: Revenge of the Rat Girl." Maybe.
还有"佩妮教你治害虫"应用
And the Penny Pest Control app,
不久就会上架
you know, at some point.
各种各样有趣的东西正在筹备中
Uh, lots of exciting stuff in the pipeline.
非常感谢各位的到来
Thank you so much for coming, everyone.
能提问吗
Question?
它是像老鼠多一点还是像女孩多一点
Is it more rat or more girl?
还有问答环节
A Q and A period.
好吧 它差不多...各一半吧
Okay, uh, it's uh, it's about fifty-fifty.
好了
Alright.
等等 那这只老鼠会去上学吗
Wait, does this rat go to school?
是的 这只老鼠去上学的
Yeah, the rat goes to school.
众所周知 每个人都得上学
It's uh, you gotta stay in school, everyone knows that.
所以它当然也得上学了 是一所很小的学校
So of course it goes to school. It's a tiny school.
它用一块橡皮做床 好吗
It's got an eraser for a bed, alright?
感谢各位捧场
Thank you very much!
它会游泳吗
Uh, can it swim?
还没够吗
Really, man?
一只鼠女
A rat girl,
你是养了个天才吗
did you make a genius, or something?
看看她这些画作
Look at her work?
她什么时候画了这些的
When did she do all this?
在听吗
Hello?
抱歉 我只是...
Oh, sorry, I'm just...
最后再润色下招聘启事
putting the finishing touches on a job posting.
我得卖♥♥43套房♥
I have to sell 43 condos.
科尼房♥地♥产♥要扩张了
Coyne realty is expanding.
-目前为止你写了什么 -好吧
- What have you got so far? - Oh! Okay.
你是否机灵古怪 格格不入
Are you quirky? Different?
是一位与众不同且散发着独一无二光芒的人
A special person with a special light,
同时还是位持证房♥产经纪人
and also a licensed real estate agent?
那便走出阴影吧
Come out from the shadows,
加入...弗兰姬·科尼房♥地♥产♥
and join... Frankie Coyne Realty.
"走出阴影"
"Come out from the shadows?!"
这到底是份什么启事
What in the world kind of post is this?
一份鼓舞人心的启事
An inspirational one!
我得是多幸运才能有机会提供机会给...
How lucky am I to have a chance to give opportunities to, to--
-阴影人吗 -不
- Shadow people? - No!
给那些不被器重 不被认可的人
To people sidelined, ignored!
我以前就是这样的人
That's who I used to be.
我的公♥司♥ 我的人
My agency, my people.
我觉得你不应该发布那份启事
I don't think you should post that.
已经...发布了
And... posted.
来吧 阴影人们
Come on, shadow people!
欢迎来到科尼房♥地♥产♥
Welcome to Coyne Realty!
我们何不轮流介绍一下自己呢
Why don't we go around and introduce ourselves?
我先开始 我是弗兰姬 这是我的公♥司♥
I'll start. I'm frankie, and this is my agency.
我爱吃韩国大米饭