花瓶妻（2013）

Trophy Wife S01E01

Part 1 March 11, 2021, 2:36 p.m.

一年前我还是单身
A year ago, I was single,
活的毫无顾忌
without a care in the world.
如今我是三个孩子的继母
Today, I'm married with three stepkids,
在老公前妻的后车座里烂醉如泥
and I'm wasted in the back of my husband's ex-wife's car.
他第一任前妻
His first ex-wife.
你也许和我一样会好奇
You might be wondering the same thing I am.
我怎么沦落到此田地?
How did I get here?
去年我最亲的家人就是
Well, last year, the closest thing I had to a family
我的闺蜜梅格
was my best friend, Meg.
我们干啥都一起
We did everything together.
我们速食乱♥交♥
We were ramen-eating, random-dating,
频繁派对各种取乐
party-hopping single, and we had fun.
每次只要我们之中有谁分手了
Any time one of us went through a breakup,
我们就去卡萨格兰德唱歌♥
we'd head to casa Grande for karaoke,
近来去的次数还真是有点多
and lately, there had been a lot of karaoke.
但是我是浪漫主义者
But I was a romantic, so I knew
所以我知道要是我遇到对的人
when I finally met the right guy,
我会一股脑儿投入的
I'd jump right in.
太抱歉好吧别慌张
So sorry. Okay, don't freak out,
但你在流血能给我点纸巾吗?
but you're bleeding. Can I get some napkins, please?
- 我很抱歉 - 我没事...有点疼
- I'm so sorry. - I'm okay... This hurts.
虽说我打破了他的鼻子但他还是魅力十足
He was charming, and even though I broke his nose,
他坚持让医生先给我检查
he insisted the doctor see me first.
- 你把这叫伤疤? - 是啊
- You call that a scar? - Yeah.
看看这个我在法学院结冰的楼梯上滑了一跤
Look at this. I slipped on an icy step in law school.
告了学校我胜诉了代替了学费
Sued the school. I won, and it paid for law school.
哦是么? 再看看这个揍了交♥警♥
Oh, yeah? Check this one out. Punched a crossing guard.
2002年在哥斯达黎加悬崖跳水受的伤
2002. Cliff diving, Costa Rica.
正当我离开之前
Right before I go,
我注意到了这颗小小的黑素瘤
I noticed a small... Melanoma.
两件事你得明白
Two things you should know about me.
第一爱死哥斯达黎加了第二讨厌黑素瘤
One, love Costa Rica, two, hate melanoma.
一件事你需了解我对坚果过敏
One thing you should know about me. I'm allergic to nuts.
老爸!
Dad!
然后我见到了他的家人
And then, I met his family.
保姆来电♥话♥说你在医院
The baby-sitter called and said that you were in the hospital,
所以我告诉孩子们做好最坏的打算
so I rounded the kids up and told them to prepare for the worst.
- 她就是这么说的 - 你结婚了
- She did say that. - You're married.
呃这是我的前妻杰基
Uh, this is my ex-wife Jackie.
- 嗨 - 这是我的儿子沃伦
- Hi. - This is my son Warren.
- 我的女儿希拉里 - 我发现口香糖了
- My daughter Hillary. - I found gum.
- 哦别这样 - 你赶紧把它扔了
- No, don't. - You should put that down.
沃伦扔了
Warren, drop it.
这东西说不定有粪便物
It's probably covered in fecal matter.
真好!
Yes!
然后我见了他所有家庭成员
And then, I met his whole family.
- 你结婚了 - 不这是我另一个前妻
- You are married. - No, that's my other ex-wife.
她是我家双胞胎的妈妈
She's the mother of the twins.
- 杰基是伯特的妈妈 - 我是中国人
- Jackie is Bert's mom. - I'm from China.
所以彼得
So, Pete,
拜克医生说你在酒吧
Dr. Bikel says you broke your nose
断了鼻梁骨怎么会这样?
in a bar. How did that happen?
呃...其实我是在餐厅
Um... well, uh, I was in a restaurant...
好吧这是我最近在研究的土方疗法
Okay, this is an ancient healing technique I've been working on.
名叫灵气
It's called Reiki.
灵气真实存在哦
It really does a thing...
抱歉你能帮我拿着这个么小姐?
Excuse me. Can you hold this, please, young lady?
杰基你介意我用
Jackie, do you mind if I
科学的现代疗法么?
try a modern healing technique called science?
- 坐好了 - 坐好?
- Sit up. - Sit up?
孩子们别看
Kids, look away.
谢谢
Thank you.
太疼了
That hurt.
但我可以呼吸了
But I can breathe.
爸爸我插不回去了
Dad, I can't get this back in.
天伯特!
Oh, Bert!
你想出去喝杯咖啡吗?
Would you ever wanna go out for coffee?
我周二周四周末都有空
I'm free Tuesdays, Thursdays and every other weekend.
有些女孩也许会说不
Some girls would have said no,
但我很中意他所以我同意了
but I liked him, so I jumped right in.
好没问题
Sure. Yeah.
- 我周末都有空 - 那就好
- I'm free every other weekend. - Good.
我是说我一直希望有个丈夫和家庭
I mean, I always wanted a husband and family.
但没想到一夕之间梦想全部成真了
I just didn't expect to meet them all in one night.
所以如今的我
So now I'm here,
一切皆在掌控之下
and I've got everything under control.
花瓶娇妻第一季第一集
哦你个...
Oh, you little...
拜托给我闭嘴
Come on. Just shut up.
搞定!
Yes!
嗨孩子们我在做早饭而已
Hey, guys. Just makin' breakfast.
是啊我们听到了
Yeah, we heard.
- 哦嗨我的三叉戟 - 谢谢沃伦
- Oh, hey, hey, my trident. - Oh, thanks, Warren.
我不是沃伦
I'm not Warren.
- 我是海神波塞冬 - 哦挺好
- I'm Poseidon, God of the sea. - Oh, that's great.
嗨烟势比昨天小了嘛
Hey, less smoke than yesterday.
- 老爸没错! - 宝贝需要帮忙吗?
- Dad, yes! - Honey, you need some help?
不用我能搞定
No, I'm getting the hang of it.
案子进行的如何?
How's the case going?
挺顺利证据在握
It's going well. I have all the evidence.
就是理不顺
I just can't put together...
- 陈词部分? - 不是是整体框架
- The argument? - The easel.
孩子们快去上学抓紧抓紧
Guys, you gotta go to school, chop chop.
- 我爱你们 - 我也爱你
- I love you both. - I love you, too.
模拟联♥合♥国♥辩论赛玩的愉快
Have fun at model U.N.
谢谢我会的
Thanks, I will.
所以希尔去演唱会你激动吗?
So, hill, you excited for the concert?
好吧相谈甚欢
Okay, good talk.
她和切尔西·特兰森一起去
She's going with Chelsea trasin.
谁是切尔西·特兰森?
Who's Chelsea trasin?
有着翘臀的学妹
This junior with an awesome butt.
希尔我在你这么大的时候最爱去演唱会了
Hill, when I was your age, I loved going to concerts.
有一年我们在"俊杰"的演唱会
There was this one year, we were at Lollapalooza,
然后下起了倾盆大雨
and it just started pouring rain.
大家在泥中乱舞各个都喝得烂醉
Everyone was just moshin' in the mud, totally drunk.
你说的烂醉是啥意思?你们喝假酒?
What do you mean, drunk? Did you have a fake?
没啊我们把伏特加装进水瓶里过安检
No, we just put vodka in the water bottles to get past security.
- 哦原来如此 - 然后雨停了
- Oh, right. - So it stops raining,
- 出现了很大的彩虹 - 彩虹?
- and the biggest rainbow pops out. - A rainbow?
哇! 我们的校车来了
Wow! Our ride's here.
- 等等再聊凯特 - 拜拜沃伦
- Talk to you later, Kate. - Bye, Warren.
谢谢你的早餐
Thanks for the breakfast.
模拟联♥合♥国♥玩的愉快希尔
Have fun at model U.N., Hill.
别牵强努力了
You can stop trying so hard.
没人期望你一定要扮好妈妈这个角色
Nobody expects you to be a mom.
把自己当初老爸的第三任妻子就好了拜拜
Just think of yourself more as my dad's third wife. Bye.
呃不行
Um, not that won't work,
因为他妈妈还在做手术
because his mother's in surgery,
还有我有案子要准备
and I'm preparing a case.
是沃伦的老师她想要我去学校
It's Warren's teacher. She wants me to come in.
必须要今天吗?
Does it have to be today?
我去我去
I'll go. I'll go.
拜托这是给我一次
Please, it'll give me the chance to be like,
当父母的机会
you know, like a parent.
伯特还有乐队演出呢
Bert's got orchestra.
没事我让梅格送他去
No, I'll get Meg to take him.
她有车也有驾照
She got a car, and a license.
你知道么? 我妻子会来
You know what? My wife is gonna come in.
沃伦的继母
Warren's stepmom.
不他的...新继母
No, his... new stepmom.
好的她会来的行