四个婚礼和一个葬礼

Four Weddings and a Funeral S01E01

Part 1 Feb. 16, 2020, 9:30 a.m.

靠
Fuck.
玛雅醒醒
玛雅快出来她来了
我老婆8点到公♥寓♥
靠
Fuck!
该死
Oh, for fuck's sake.
靠靠靠
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
靠靠靠
Fuck! Fuck, fuck!
靠靠
Fuck, fuck.
靠
Fuck.
靠
Fuck.
靠
Fuck.
-先生 -达菲先生
- Sir! - Mr. Duffy!
抱歉
Sorry, boys.
我终于收到了企鹅出版社的信
I finally got my letter from Penguin Publishing.
-伯纳德 -他们接受了你的小说吗
- Yes, Bernard. - Did they accept your novel?
你之前让我们寄那么多稿件
My fingers still hurt from
我手指现在还痛
all the submissions you made us mail out.
我还不知道我
Yeah, um, I don't know. I'm--
我太紧张不敢打开
I'm too nervous to open it,
你愿意帮我打开吗伯纳德
so would you, please, Bernard?
你可以可以念快点
You can go--you can go faster.
谢谢你给我们
"Thank you for giving us the opportunity
考量你附上材料的机会
to consider the enclosed material."
目前为止挺好的
Okay, so far so good.
尽管展现出了很大的潜力
"Although it shows great promise...
我们很遗憾我们将无法出版这本书
We regret that we are unable to publish it at this time."
没事的达菲先生
It's okay, Mr. Duffy.
很遗憾达菲先生
Sorry, Mr. Duffy.
上面说"很大的潜力"
It said "Great promise."
东西不好的时候他们就会这么说伯纳德
That's what they say when something's bad, Bernard.
你对我就《埃涅阿斯纪》写的报告也是这么评论的
That's what you said in my report on The Aeneid.
抱歉奥吉
I'm sorry, Augie.
确实很烂
It sucked.
靠
Oh, fuck.
这是你的乔迁礼物克雷格
It's your housewarming present, Craig.
我很喜欢只是露了我好多屁♥股♥
I love it, there's just-just so much of my butt.
-两边屁♥股♥ -你不喜欢
- And my butt cheeks. - You hate it.
不不我喜欢
No, no, no! I love it!
只是有点淫秽
It's just a little risqué, you know?
如果我外婆或者我朋友过来
If my grandma comes or one of my friends.
你朋友当然会讨厌了
Ah, well, of course your friends would hate it.
-他们讨厌我做的一切 -你说什么呢
- They hate everything I do. - What are you talking about?
-我朋友喜欢你 -才没有
- My friends love you. - No, they don't.
他们觉得我没用还有我的奶♥子♥是假的
They think I'm trashy and that my boobs are fake--
确实是假的但你朋友并不知道
which they are, but your friends don't know that.
谁关心别人怎么想
Who cares what anyone else thinks, okay?
你是我女朋友
You're my girl...
我想要你搬来和我一起住
and I want you to move in with me.
-你认真的吗 -当然
- Wait, are you serious? - Yeah.
我交往过很多女人
Look, I've dated a lot of women.
很多
A lot.
有六个女生曾经邀请我去参加舞会
Six different girls asked me to prom,
其中一个是我的西班牙语老师
one of them my Spanish teacher.
你会对我说浪漫的话吗
This is gonna circle back to something romantic about me, right?
我爱你
I love you.
我从没跟任何人说过这句话
And I've never said that to anybody.
跟我妈说过还有次在杂货店
Well, my mom, and one time to LeBron James
碰到勒布朗·詹姆斯对他说过
when I saw him at the grocery store.
克雷格我也爱你
Craig, I love you, too.
谁拍的这张照片
Who took this photo?
靠不敢相信我30了
Fuck, I can't believe I'm 30.
这一点也不老
Well, that's not old.
30岁的时候梅根·马克尔还在她第一段婚姻里
At 30, Meghan Markle was still in her first marriage.
你确定一定要办成化装舞会吗
Now, are you sure this has to be a costume party?
是的人人都得打扮成
Yes, everybody has to dress up
他们最爱的浪漫喜剧电影里的角色
as their favorite rom-com character.
只是英国人不怎么爱办主题派对
It's just, the English don't really do theme parties.
除非主题是"即将爆发的阶级冲突"
Unless the theme is "Simmering class conflict,"
每个主题都是这样
in which case that's every party.
我得接这个电♥话♥ 贱♥人♥
Oh, I gotta take this. Hey, bitch.
准备好迎来你人生中最棒的周末了吗
You ready for the best weekend of your life?
当然
Oh, my God, yes.
我今晚要坐红眼航♥班♥
I'm on the red-eye tonight.
我没法第一时间离开纽约
I can't get out of New York fast enough.
早上不顺
Rough morning?
嗯我胸罩里有鱼缸石子
Yeah, I have aquarium gravel in my bra.
就说这么多
I think I'll just leave it at that.
我猜猜跟你那个
Let me guess: does it have something to do
已婚男友有关
with your married boyfriend?
你真的很爱评头论足
Hey, you know, you're very judgmental
你自己可是和组织Fyre音乐节的人交往过
for a woman who dated the guy who organized the Fyre Festival.
他说他认识杰·鲁[歌♥手]
He said he knew Ja Rule!
总之我等不及要让你见我的新男人了玛雅
Anyway, I can't wait for you to meet my new guy, Maya.
他很不错聪明风趣
He is a good one. He's smart, he's funny.
-而且不是基佬 -我肯定会喜欢他
- He's not gay, for once. - Ooh, I bet I'll love him.
希望你今早会越来越顺
Hey, I hope your morning gets better.
也不可能变得更糟了
Well, it couldn't get any worse.
玛雅你迟到了泰德找你
Maya, you're late. Ted's looking for you.
我得挂了
I gotta go.
好唐突
That was abrupt.
-你衣服湿了吗 -没干的平时就这样
- Is your shirt wet? - No, it's dry. It's normal.
泰德在拉美博多早餐上表现如何
So how did Ted do at the Bodo Latino breakfast?
很好他们喜欢他的演讲
Great. They loved his speech.
我猜是你写的
Well, I guess it was your speech.
他有试图唱《Despacito》吗
Did he try to sing Despacito?
有但我在他进入说唱部分前切断了他的麦克风
Yes, but I cut off his mic before he got to the rap part.
-好样的 -玛雅你迟到了
- That's my girl. - Maya, you're late.
如果方便的话
So if it's not too much of an inconvenience
立刻到我办公室来
I need to see you in my office.
你迟到了45分钟
You're 45 minutes late.
抱歉
I'm so sorry.
我知道我该叫醒你但你打鼾的样子太可爱了
I know I should have woken you up but you were snoring so cute.
不不今早一点也不酷
No, no, this morning was not cool.
那些短♥信♥ "出来她要来了"
All those texts? "Get out, she's coming."
我感觉自己在恐怖电影里
I felt like I was in a horror movie.
最先被杀的总是黑人
And the black people always get murdered first.
我知道我很抱歉
I know, I know, and I'm sorry.
莉茲从不去我们在城里的公♥寓♥
Liz never goes to our apartment in the city
但有只乌鸦困在了我们在斯卡斯代尔家里的烟囱里
but there's a crow trapped in our chimney in Scarsdale.
今天任务繁多
Okay, huge day ahead.
我之前想唱《Despacito》但是效果不好
I tried to sing Despacito earlier, which did not go well.
-泰德我们得谈谈 -说吧
- Ted, we need to talk. - Okay, shoot.
我不想再这样下去了
I'm not doing this anymore.
你可怜的老婆
Your poor wife.
拜托我们谈过这个的
Hey, come on. We've been through this.
我的婚姻结束了
My marriage is over.
我都在地下室里的台球桌上睡了一年了
I've been sleeping in the basement on the pool table for a year.
嗯可我还是会收到
Yeah, okay, but I still get Christmas cards
你和你家人穿相称毛衣的圣诞贺卡
of you and your family in matching sweaters.
那些是很糟
Yeah, those are bad.
我爱你但我不能这么下去了
I love you, but I'm done.
等等拜托
Wait, wait, come on. Hey.
我也不能这么下去了
I'm done, too.
所以我今晚会告诉她
That's why I'm gonna tell her tonight.
你不会的
No, you're not.
我们已经够俗套了
We're already enough of a cliché
你不用假装你会离开你妻子
without you pretending you're going to leave your wife.
不听我说
No, no. Listen, listen.
我之前不想说什么
I--I didn't want to say anything yet,
但我已经聘请了律师
but I've already hired a lawyer.
我孩子这周末会去参加一个电子游戏营